You've worn the finish off your coffee table.
All your kids are named Joe.
Chuck Yeager thinks you need to calm down.
Instant coffee takes too long.
Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
People can test their batteries in your ears.
People get dizzy just watching you.
Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
When someone asks 'how are you' you say, 'good to the last drop'.
You buy milk by the barrel.
You can jump-start your car without cables.
You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
You can type sixty words per minute with your feet.
You can't even remember your second cup.
You channel surf faster without a remote.
You chew on other people's fingernails.
You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
You don't get mad, you get steamed.
You don't need a hammer to pound in nails.
You don't sweat, you percolate.
You don't tan, you roast.
You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
You have a conniption over spilled milk.
You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
You help your dog chase its tail.
You introduce your spouse as your coffee mate.
You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.
You lick your coffeepot clean.
You name your cats Cream and Sugar.
You short out motion detectors.
You ski uphill.
You sleep with your eyes open.
You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.
You speed-walk in your sleep.
You spend every vacation visiting Maxwell House.
You think being called a drip is a compliment.
You think CPR stands for Coffee Provides Resuscitation.
You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.
Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.
Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.
Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
Your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans.
Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
Your only source of nutrition comes from Sweet & Low.
Your taste buds are so numb; you could drink your lava lamp.
Your Thermos is on wheels.
You're so wired, you pick up AM radio.
You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
If Sarah Palin becomes Vice President, she will have no trouble finding a stunt double-should the need arise.
It seems as though there are Sarah Palin lookalikes all over the place. News anchors, comedians...and now even waitresses.
I was up early (for a weekend) to take a walk and then out to breakfast at a local diner. I walked in and was nearly knocked over by the sight of Sarah Palin greeting customers...I had to do a double take and was quite relieved to realize that Sarah Palin was not in fact working as a waitress, it was just my eyes playing tricks on me.
I so wanted to make a joke with her about her uncanny resemblance to Mrs. Palin but I didn't know how that would go down. So instead I swallowed back my witty remarks about being seated by such a celebrity...or a joke about being able to see Russia from the diner window.
I wonder how many other Sarah Palin lookalikes we'll come across before the election?
After work yesterday I decided to head to the mall with the intention of paying off my American Eagle credit card I recently applied for. The trip was futile as you cannot pay off AE credit cards in store...so I headed over to FYE to have a look around.
I was pleasantly surprised at their used section and I quickly began drooling...eh, looking over the selection. To my left I became aware of a man coughing loudly and quite annoying...but I did my best to ignore him and soon enough the coughing ceased.
A moment or two later...it started up again and this time much closer. To my horror, the cougher was now on my right also looking through the used selection. Again I tried to block out the annoying sound but considering the man was now next to me, it just was not possible to block it out. I grabbed the stack of cd's that I had been planning on going through more carefully when I was finished browsing and headed up to to the cashier.
Forty-five dollars and 15 minutes later I was finally able to get that annoying and disgusting noise out of my mind. Hopefully my next trip there will be a bit more peaceful.
I almost got stuck in the elevator at work today. The worst part is that I was alone at the time. Even worse, I didn't have my cell phone with me.
I had been working at my desk in the basement but needed to go upstairs to put some files away and get some lunch. My arms were full of said files and I got on the small elevator to make the quick journey upstairs. I was halfway upstairs when the elevator just stops....a few feet shy of reaching it's mark.
I pushed the button in an attempt to make it move upwards to complete it's ascent but it would not budge. I pushed the down button in hopes that perhaps it would go down. No luck.
I began to panic slightly and the bundle of files fell to the ground. I pulled myself together a bit and attempted to get the elevator to move again. Once again the elevator refused to finish going upwards, but this time I was able to get the machine to go down...and once it reached the bottom I was able to go up.
I've always been weary of that elevator. I remember the day I was interviewed for the job I had to ride on that machine and had the sinking feeling that at some point I'd get stuck on that thing.
I've been having some serious issues in sleeping in on the weekends. I've been waking up before 8am and can't fall back asleep. It's kind of pissing me off, though, I guess it does give me the opportunity to have some "me" time before the day starts.
This morning I decided to turn on the Today show. As the President was having a Saturday morning "meeting" (did hell freeze over yet?) the show cut to his speech and I tuned out for the most part. I was jarred back to attention though when accidentally the network cut to a commercial for the new "Tale of Two Cities" musical...one moment I heard the drone of Bush and the next..."It was the best of times, it was the worst of times" and as I looked up I saw the flash of the Guillotine falling...and cut immediately back to Bush.
Of all the footage/commercials that the tv could have cut to accidentally-that particular commercial had to be one of the most fitting. I think I will be laughing at that for a VERY long time.
I feel bad for the guy who fell asleep at the switch though-I'm sure that he's getting the boot right about now.
Did I ever mention that I have been having to get up at 4:30am for work? Well, I have. Thankfully though, today was the last day I would have to get up so bloody early-at least on a regular basis. I don't think I have to point out that waking up at 4:30am is not a good thing by any stretch of the imagination. On good days, I would leave work feeling completely wiped out. On bad? Well, lets just say that it's a miracle I've made it home at all.
Today wasn't a bad day, but it was a busy day. I have recently started a new position and unlike my last position which was pretty simple and straight forward, this one is a lot more complicated. In addition, I'm also receiving training for taking a Road Test for a CDL license, and the training requires 100% of my attention/concentration. By the time I left the site I could barely think, but I still had the lengthy drive back home.
I wasn't even a mile down the road when I missed a turn. Not a big deal, I just drove down the road a bit until I came across a housing development where I could turn around. I turned around and after stopping to get some lunch I found my way to the highway.
I've traveled this particular highway so many times since I've moved to NY that I usually never run into problems. I'm usually very attuned to the signs and have never had a problem getting off at the correct exit. Today however, I found myself driving past my exit...and heading for the bridge that spans across the Hudson River.
Thankfully I did eventually make it home, and in one peace. In my travels I discovered that I'm actually pretty good with finding my way around unfamiliar areas and I located the train station that would take me straight into the city...a very easy drive. I think though from now on, I will be paying much more attention to the exit signs and get off at the right one.
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